use
v. yooz or, for past tense form of 9, yoost; n. yoos] verb, used, us⋅ing, noun
to take unfair advantage of; exploit: to use people to gain one's own ends.
We have been attending a new church recently. It's a really neat place and my kids absolutely love it. Today's service was one of the most unique I have ever attended. It was a great family service!
Anyway, I have really been kinda blah towards the whole 'church shopping' idea. I just couldn't get my mind around why that was. I have been asking the Lord for the past couple of weeks to reveal my heart and strip away the pain of the past. Slowly, (thank you, Lord) God has been showing me why I feel the way I do right now. He hasn't really taken it away, but has helped me to understand the pain. When the Journey didn't pan out, I was a little disappointed ,but not hurt. The churches before are really the source of my pain. I am sure there is a little from here and there, but the last few have really developed an attitude in me towards the church. I think I now know why.
The word has been USED. It's been floating around in my mind for two days now and I keep asking the Lord to show me more. Flashes of this person and that...this situation and that...keep showing up in my head. So I kept praying. I asked Him this morning to let me worship again. To help me feel His presence. I did...and I got some more understanding.
No where have I found in the Word (in my brief study) an instance where Jesus used anyone. Before I get a firestorm of theological rigamarow...I mean in the definition above. Jesus did not use people and throw them aside. He does not use people now and throw them aside. I don't know about some of you, but my heart feels USED. I feel like in the past few churches we have been in , people could see me coming. I want the gifts and talents that God has given me to be an offering of service to Him. Pastors and leaders see that and say...oooohhhh someone who wants to work. So I did. Work that is. Then when the job was done or when we moved on...nothing...on to the next sorry sap who wants to be "used" for the Kingdom.
Used for the agenda of some man (or woman)....not so much for advancing the kingdom. The language we use these days set us up for that...we do say that we want to be used for God's work. I want to look at it differently. I have been reading Psalm this afternoon searching for anywhere where David would have said...USE ME, Lord. It doesn't, that I have found...it does use terms such as, offering and service. I really think those words give such a negative connotation, like I said before, of use and toss. I don't want to be tossed aside. I want to give my gift to the Lord with a grateful heart, not a guarded one.
How do we get passed that? I don't know...I'm still working on that one, but I do have an understanding and a new vision of what I want my service to be.....a living sacrifice...wholly His!
3 comments:
Mer~
I really identify with what you're saying.
This weekend I've really struggled with the fact that I've prayed with people, stood by them, labored by ministering to them... only to feel rejected and betrayed because they "use me up" and then move on.
About the only comfort I've found is taking a look at how this body (the Church) has ALWAYS been.
Leaders have had fallings-out (Paul and Barnabas); congregations abandoned their leaders during trials (Paul again) and financial deceit and sexual immorality were found in the first century church.
So to me the question becomes-- ok, what does sacrifice really mean?
"I'll give it all up for YOU, Lord, but what does that entail? DOES that entail being "used" and "used up" by these immature or thoughtless Believers, or is that something apart from the sacrifice?"
I guess if the example we look to is Jesus, we've got the man he healed at the pool... who at first told the leaders he "didn't know" who it was that healed him... but after Jesus caught up to him and told him to "sin no more" he threw Jesus under the bus to those leaders.
Sigh.
But what I really want to focus on right now is shaking the dust off my feet.
I know, I know... not really a perfectly applicable practice in my situation, but that's about how I feel.
Faith not feelings, yeah, yeah, I get it.
This process has been going on in my head for a while now.
Thanks for "listening."
Jenna, I'm glad (i guess) that I'm not the only one feeling this. I really believe we just have to make sure our hearts are right in 'service'. We have to keep ourselves in check as to why we are doing things...are we serving the people or God?
Chalk it up as a learning experience...and know that you're not alone!
Mer - Thank you for the comment on our blog. We are checking in to that. I've submitted emails to Enfamil and Similac companies and I've given our agency the link for applying for such donations. Let's pray and hope they have compassion on these little baby orphans!
Blessings,
Cindy
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