Seriously?

I woke up with a word rolling around in my head again this morning. We spent some time with some dear friends last night just encouraging each other through some stuff we all have been through recently. I just came home going, "Seriously?" I can't believe our world today and how people treat each other. It seems sometimes that the church is not exactly the best place to get help, just hurt these days. It should be the other way around. The church is for people who need Jesus to get over their hurt, hunger, and hangups. Imagine that!

My word for today was illusion. I went to bed asking God why the church is like this today. I woke up with this word:
il·lu·sion 1.something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality.

2.	the state or condition of being deceived; misapprehension.

3.	an instance of being deceived.

4.

Psychology. a perception, as of visual stimuli (optical illusion), that represents what is perceived in a way different from the way it is in reality. Caleb walked up to his Nana last night and announced that he knew what a deceiver was. She said, "oh really, what is a deceiver?" He continued to explain that a deceiver is someone who lies to you, like Satan. Very smart kid! I believe that Satan has created an illusion of the church and how leadership should run the church. I actually got a picture with this word, it was kind of like the Matrix. I was in the matrix looking out at the church today. I saw person after person who had hurt me or someone close to me. They were all clueless to the matrix. Satan was there acting like a puppet master, controlling his copycat plan. He has made leadership believe that having the title is like the genie put it in the Disney movie Aladdin, "Phenominal cosmic power, itty bitty living space." The problem with that is the itty bitty living space. If you can't live life with people, how are you going to shepherd them? The only 'power' comes from creator God! I am not saying that I have it right. Nobody has it right. It won't all be "right" until Jesus comes back for his bride. I think it's going to be a very rough road to that point, though. Unless we love people and become the Love of Christ to them, we are doing a disservice to the name of Christ and I don't think that God is going to stand for that much longer. I am sorry for those who have been hurt by the church. I have been in that broken place before as well. I am so sorry that this has be come the norm for people who just don't 'fit' in. There is a stirring in my heart though of change. Not Barack Obama's kind of change, but God's kind of change. I guess in all of this mess we have to keep our spiritual eyes open. There is a war waging in a world that we can't see with human eyes over the souls of hurting people. We need to be aware that the battle doesn't end when they/we come to Jesus. It gets tougher. To see through the illusion to the "matrix" is kind of tricky. If we rely on the Holy Spirit to be our "helper" though, He will guide us through and show us the way we should go.

Hit the Wall

I think I hit a wall this week. So much has happened in just the last few months that I think it finally caught up with me. I'm all for change, it's apart of life, but so much change in so little time can be exhausting. We've got a baby coming, which is a LOT of change. Then, I had a huge embroidery job this summer and worked 12-15 hour days. Just in the last month, we've been getting ready for school, had a church change that has been a whirlwind, and are transitioning Julia to sleep in her own room. Yesterday, I could barely keep my eyes open. I wondered why and it hit me in the middle of the night during my many sleep position changes. It's just catching up to me. I'm exhausted! It'll get better, I've just got to process things and hopefully get more sleep...ha ha!

Check this pic out. My boy caught this 14" fish last weekend on his "back to school" campout with his dad. They had a blast and he (as you can see) was so proud of himself. I'm proud of this kiddo, too.

Julia is getting used to not having Caleb home during the day. She was so shocked to find that she can watch what she wants to watch on the tv while brother is gone. She's loving that. We're also working on her letters. She's doing pretty well!

1st day of 1st grade

Well, I dropped Caleb off for his first day of first grade today. I can't believe how much he's grown! He had wanted me to walk him in because we weren't sure whether or not he was supposed to go straight to his classroom or not. Well, we got there and the parking lot was filled to the brim with kindergarten parents. Caleb said, "It's ok mom, you can drop me off at the front and I can ask where I'm supposed to go." WOW! No melt down, no whining, he is so big! I have to admit, I think I cried more this year than last! I was so proud of him. Maybe it's the extra pregnancy hormones, but oh well.

Back to School

Caleb starts his 1st grade year a week from today. I am excited for him! I just can't believe that I have a first grader! Caleb is excited to see his friends, but he isn't quite sure what homework is and that kind of scares him. It's something he has brought up over the past few months. It's the only reason he doesn't want to go back to school. It's just because he doesn't know what it is. I have reassured him over and over that he will have no problem with homework and that his daddy and I will help him, but he' s not convinced.
How many times in life do we fear things just because we don't know what is behind that door? What could we be missing out on just because we won't take that next step?
Caleb will be taking that next step. He'll be fine!

Introducing...

Meet Tyler Wayne Parker! This is our best sono picture from a few weeks ago. I haven't had time to really mess with getting it uploaded lately. Well, here he is. We're excited to be welcoming him into the world sometime in December.
I was reading a great blog the other day, you can see a link to it on the side of my blog (adopting aria). Cindy was describing some of the 'wonderful' questions and comments that she has received when she tells people that she and her husband are adopting from Ethiopia (which I think is fantastic!). Anyway, it got me thinking about some of the questions all parents struggle with when they are expecting a new bundle of joy. I get looks and comments over the fact that I don't like to deliver in a hospital. I deliver in a birthing center. I guess I get more comments from older adults than people my age, but it seems like it is my choice to make and I think it is healthier for me and my child to do so. It's my opinion. I'm not going to judge someone who has an epi or c-section....heck, I had an epi with my first child and loved it! That is one thing that people comment over. The other thing is the name we have chosen. We like the name Tyler. It fits with our kids names and we just like it. So, if you don't like it, oh well.
I won't even go into the comments about weight and size and all, but we get those as well.

Here's the deal. I think everyone has an opinion on how things should be done. We wouldn't be human if we didn't. I think there is a time and a place to share those opinions, though. If you have an issue with someone's parenting style or education choice, or how their children come into existance, keep it to yourself. We're just doing what we think is best for our children.

Awkward

Life is filled with awkward moments, right? As a mom, you never know what your kids are going to say. As a pregnant person, you never know what is going to come out of other peoples' mouths. I've heard some doozies over my pregnancies.
Those aren't the awkward moments I'm talking about, though. Did you ever walk up to someone and try to speak to them only to be ignored? It happened to me tonight and it was the most uncomfortable feeling. It was weird. I don't care how upset I was at someone, I would never ignore them if they walked up to me. Very unsettling.

PB&B???!!!

MMMMM....just had me some peanut butter and banana! I didn't realize how popular this was until I plugged it in to look for some pictures. I have always loved peanut butter and banana sandwiches. I don't make them like the picture, though. I mash it all together, then put it on the bread. It helps keep the bananas from sliding out. My kids haven't actually hopped on the pb&b boat yet. Julia loves peanut butter and jelly, but Caleb would rather have turkey. Weird, I know. He just doesn't like peanut butter very much.
Another peanut butter snack that I like is pb and granny smith apples. It has to be with granny smith, though. I don't like the bland tasting apples. They just don't taste right to me.
Back to work for me.

Cake

I was totally craving cake last night. I haven't craved a lot of sweet things, which is good, but I wanted some cake with icing last night. I've been thinking about it for days. James said that he would go get me some, but it was 10 o'clock and in Pilot Point, nothing is open past 10. So, that meant he would have to go all the way to Little Elm and get me a cake. I wouldn't hear of it. So, I will wait until Saturday when we go and celebrate Papa G's birthday! Happy Birthday, Dad!




Chef Duff Goldman cake from Charm City Cakes

Fear

Wow! I wonder if this woman knew someone was taking a picture of her rear end. Let's see. Fear. I've been experiencing something the last couple of days and now I am at peace. I did something I knew I was confident was right, but had an over arching fear that would come over me and yesterday I had a panick attack about it. My poor James didn't know what to do with me. I couldn't quit crying (could be those pesky hormones) and my mind was racing. I got to thinking about it this morning and I'm ok. I just needed a freak out moment. Then, I realized this. God asks us to do things in obedience. We aren't the only ones who have second guessed Him. I won't be the last. Anyway, I did what I thought He asked me to do. Then, Satan shows up and starts whispering...."are you sure that's what God asked you to do?" "Are you sure that was from Him?" "you really shouldn't have done that...now it's all your fault." I listened.
Then I woke up this morning...yes, I am dang sure that I did the right thing because it wasn't from me and I wouldn't have put it the way that I did. So, I'm not second guessing today. I'm not the little chihuahua in the picture, waiting for the butt to fall. I am confident that God is fully capable of handling everything and that the fate of my future doesn't rely on what I did. He is fully capable of righting any wrong that I made or didn't make. So....there.

Have you ever played tug o' war and I mean played with all your might? You know how when you let go of the rope it actually hurts more than if you just held on? I feel like that today. I feel like I have been trying to hold on to the rope and pull it in the direction it should go, but meeting a lot of resistance. I think it is going to hurt when I let go because I have been holding on so tightly without even realizing it. I thought I had distanced myself enough and watched my heart so closely, but when God tries to teach us something or we make a stand to live in the ways He would have us live, you will ALWAYS meet resistance. So, whatever happens, however it turns out. Here I am, letting go.

With Great Power.....

I love the movie "Spiderman"! My favorite lines in the movie are, "With great power comes great responsiblilty." and "This is my gift, my curse."
I think that anything God gives us a leading role in, there is great responsibility. In a pastoral role, my husband has the responsibility on his life of the spiritual health of the people he is over. WOW! He will be held accountable some day for the choices he makes in regards to the people he disciples. We really all have that responsibility, I will be held accountable for what I teach my children. That is why I think the church needs to be so careful about what comes out of the pulpit! It has a ripple effect over the lives of people for generations. That's heavy! Yeah, we do boneheaded things and I really believe that God has grace for the things we do, but we learn from them. (another great movie quote...The Lion King....Rafiki: Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or... learn from it. )
The second spiderman quote is one that I speak out loud a lot. For some reason God lets me in on things sometimes that aren't very pleasant. You can call it discernment, you can call it prophetic....I don't care, I just know that God gives me knowledge of things I would rather not know. Not all the time and sometimes I don't listen, but I can usually tell when someone is lying. It makes me sick. Like I said, not all the time, but I have learned that if I don't listen and do what God asked me to do, it can have some devistating results. It's a blessing when it comes to my kids! Don't get me wrong. ha ha. When someone I trust and want to trust does it, it's a curse. I don't know why me. Maybe God gives everyone this 'power'...i'm just a little more willing to listen than others.
Another thing we have to constantly ask ourselves is....what about my pride? I know that I can get critical, that is something I have to repent over a lot. But how many times does my pride get in the way of what God wants to do? Don't get me wrong. If my pride gets in the way, God will get someone else to do it. I'll just miss out on the blessing.

James and I have had the opportunity to do what I call "fun" ministry. I love to be able to bless people. I love to give. I tell James all the time that if I won the lottery, I'd go broke because I would want to help every sad story that fell on my doorstep. I love doing that! I love giving to those who don't have. I would rather give stuff away than receive it. The blessing is seeing what God does with what you have to give. I don't expect anything in return. I just love seeing God work in peoples lives. It's amazing.


I know I'm rambling on and on. It's just what is on my heart. I have some heavy things in there mixed with some winking moments. I just have to have an outlet to share those things.